Obamacare was a disaster, folks. Total disaster. So we're replacing it with something much better, much cheaper, much more beautiful. We spell it with a K. Why? Because spelling is hard. Very hard. Nobody knew spelling could be so hard.
*Coverage begins in two weeks. Has always begun in two weeks. Will continue to begin in two weeks.
Countdown resets automatically every time it gets close. This is a feature, not a bug.
Four incredible tiers. Nobody's ever seen tiers like this. People are calling them the best tiers.
*Mexico has not agreed to pay for your MRI.
Everything. Probably. We'll get back to you. Here are some highlights the fake news won't tell you about.
Instantly covered, and conveniently timed. They come and go, which is very convenient.
A balanced diet of burgers, fries, and Diet Coke. Two scoops of ice cream for members; one for everyone else.
Full coverage for unusual skin tones. "It's the lighting," says our dermatologist.
Sharpie-related injuries treated at no cost. Alabama residents especially welcome.
Treatment for all-caps late-night posting. Symptoms include sudden covfefe.
Person. Woman. Man. Camera. TV. Pass it and you're a genius. Very hard test, actually.
Ideas brought up at press conferences. Do NOT try these at home. Seriously, don't.
Totally covered. Beautifully covered. The details are in the plan, which arrives in two weeks.
Take our very scientific, very fair eligibility quiz. Rigged? Never. Okay, maybe a little.
Our network includes only the best people. Many of them are very, very good at medicine. Some of them have heard of it.
*Not real. But they could be. Many people are saying them.
★★★★★"Sir, sir. A big strong man came up to me, tears in his eyes, and said: 'Sir, this is the best healthcare I've ever had, and I haven't even used it yet.'"— A Big Strong Man, probably
★★★★★"I was skeptical. Then they told me my deductible would be 'something terrific.' I don't know what that means, but I feel great."— Linda, Ohio
★★★★★"My doctor told me I was in perfect health. Then he told me he was also my accountant, my lawyer, and the guy who runs the gift shop."— Gary, Florida
★★★★★"Applied in 2017. Still waiting on the two weeks. Very excited. Any day now."— Everybody
Very good questions. Some of the best questions. Not like the questions from that reporter.
So much cheaper. You won't believe how cheap. Literally — you won't believe it, because we haven't released the numbers.
In two weeks. It's been in two weeks for a while now, and honestly it's going to be worth the wait. Check the countdown above.
You can keep your doctor, your hospital, and your dignity. Two out of three is still very good. Many experts say it's a winning record.
Because spelling is hard, folks. Very hard. Harder than healthcare, and healthcare is very hard. Nobody knew. We have the best spellers working on it, really tremendous spellers, and the correct spelling will be released in two weeks.
Yes. Our Social Media Detox program includes supervised phone-free time between 11pm and 6am. Results so far: mixed.
No. TrumpKare.com is political satire. It is not insurance, not a government program, and not affiliated with Donald Trump, any campaign, or any administration. If you need actual health coverage, visit HealthCare.gov.
Please wait while we build a beautiful, big, beautiful enrollment.
0%